Scott’s Mind

Well, it’s official: Barack Obama is the President Elect. I did my part and voted for him… got up at 5:30 and waited in line an hour and 15 minutes to do so, but I’ve heard stories of far worse experiences that people had. My poll story isn’t the point of this post though… Obama, however, is.

As he delivered his victory speech, I felt more patriotic and proud to be an American that I ever have. Even after 9/11 I didn’t feel like this. True, Bush’s “we’ll get them for this” attitude was comforting at the time, I believe that we’ve been stuck in that mire ever since. Obama actually gives us a chance to really galvanize America and word toward the future. I’ll be one of the first to point out that it’s not the leaders in Washington that will make possible this march of change, however. That lies in the men, women, children… the citizens of this country. Obama acknowledged this in his speech. We as a nation got him to the whitehouse, but it’s also up to use to make the change we seek. He will be a guide for this, but the true work is up to us. We cannot stop now. We cannot give up. As a country — UNITED — we can succeed. I made the decision to do my part, whatever that ends up being, tonight. Still not sure where that’ll lead me, but now I have something to work for again. For those that are afraid, hesitant, or believe that we can’t achieve the change we seek… I have three words for you. They are the words that, I believe, will be a spark for my generation. I think I’m lucky enough to be on the young end of this new era so I’ll be able to appreciate it. The words are quite simple, but will ring true and powerful in the years to come: Yes. We. Can.

That’s all for now, but I felt I really needed to make a post about this.

This will be the last post on this blog. I have some plans for a bit of a transition. I’ll be sure anyone interested is able to goto the new blog/site when it’s live.

Well, again it’s been a long time since I last put up a post here. To be honest, I did write one in the interim… a fairly large one at that… but I decided it was probably best to keep that one to myself.

I still can’t decide whether this is more of a journal or more of a soapbox. Sometimes, I’ll write up a post just saying whatever’s on my mind. Other times I write up a post about everything that’s been happening, like a journal, and that’s mainly what I’ve been doing for most of my latest posts. It’s really quite odd/interesting to read back through some of the entries to see what I was concerned with in the past… remembering all those times… I’ve realized that I’m a fairly nostalgic person, hehe.

Anyway, I guess this post is a combination of the two. You see, I’d like to talk about stuff that’s been happening and stuff that’s on my mind. Hopefully the post won’t be TOO long…

Graduating from Tech will be something to remember. Much like how going to the Wheeler magnet program changed my life, going to Tech has already pushed me farther than I’d ever thought I could go. I’m literally working on a research team and I’m helping to develop new technologies. I’ll hopefully be included in some papers we put out… and this is all still before I graduate. Strange thing about me graduating though… I’m very close to attaining enough credits to graduate. In fact, I believe I could graduate this summer if I wanted to. All I’ll need after this semester is Thermodynamics and an ethics class. That sounds like a perfect blend for a summer semester. I’ll probably throw some more research hours in there too. If I did that, then I’d need to decide on what to do for this fall through next march or april. You see… the biggest problem I have is, oddly enough, something that I think would do WONDERS for me. Thankfully, I now have a pretty solid idea of what I want to be doing for the next few years… but this is something that could really dictate my schedule going forward.

What I’m really trying to schedule around is my trip to Europe. John and I are going on a month long trek around Europe, hitting up some cool spots and trying to see as much as we can. After 4 years of work through the Wheeler magnet program and now 4.5 years of work to get a degree from Tech, I really feel like I need a break from all of this. The last time I took a vacation (spring break last year, only a few days long) it was AMAZING. I had a really fun time, and didn’t want to come back in the least. I’m going on another vacation this spring break, but it’s just too small. It feels like my spring break trip this year will be much like my trip last year… like it’ll be AWESOME, but when it’s over I’ll feel that it wasn’t enough of a getaway. The trip to Europe will hopefully be that getaway and more. There’s actually a great many reasons I want to go to Europe… another is to see the cultural history there, to see and touch structures that have truly stood the test of time, and are 1000’s of years old. So you see… I really don’t want to put it off. However, I also don’t want to be both out of school and not working a permanent job for too long either. The next thing John and I are going to plan is when we’re actually going on the trip, so I’ll have to see when I can schedule it in.

Now, that’s what’s been on my mind… as for what’s been happening, well… since I now have a pretty clear vision as to where I’m going with my life (aside from scheduling the aforementioned trip), I’ve had more time to think about my personal life. The good news there is that things are once again looking up. In fact, this time, things are looking very up. I may be making some decisions in the near/semi-near future, but these decisions seem far less difficult than they have been for the past few years. I think this has much to do with me having a strong idea of where my life/career is going as well as the fact that time passes, and I’m slightly more experienced now. I’ll see if I can’t expand on this all whenever the chance presents itself.

Hmm… I could toss out all the stuff I’m doing for my senior design project (cool stuff), my research (also cool stuff), or some ideas I’ve been thinking about (still cool stuff, mostly ), but I think that’s good for now.

I’ve been thinking about some things recently. I’ve wondered about where my life was headed ever since about my junior year of highschool. Before that, life was too simple and guided for the rest of my life to seem to matter to me. It was a lot of “who cares, that’s years away!” Now, however, I feel I’m faced with what literally could be the beginning of the rest of my life. It’s… odd. I’m not really afraid of what will happen… nor am I completely chill about it.

After talking with my professor this past week, I feel like I have a huge opportunity sitting right in front of me. This is what could be a large step toward starting my career and setting up where my life will go for the next 5, 10, 20+ years. You see, I really and truly think that if I really applied myself here, I could excel to an extremely high degree. I don’t know if I’d be that young genius you hear about now and then that’s made some amazing advancement in one field of study or another. I don’t think I’m like that guy. I think I’d be the guy who quickly moves up the ranks the more I learn and do in my field, and that by the time I was as old as my mentors now, I’d be sitting in fairly high-ranking seats on several boards for science organizations, giving talks about my latest research, and helping direct science efforts both nationally and globally. I’ve always, always felt like I could help the world in one way or another… and I feel like this is the way I might do it.

I really do see that.

However, that’s only one branch of my life. That is my work, which while important, should not be my entire life. Again, I don’t think I’m that guy. So that leaves me with several large questions. I have been, and expect to continued to be, inundated with questions about myself, my life, and the world around me. It’s quite nice, actually, as it provides a constant influx of new things. On the downside, this can distract me from solving many of the larger questions I come across. Not so much “why are we here”, philosophical things, but large decisions that really require some thought. Ultimately, I feel I leave a lot of these unanswered until I really have to answer them. Fortunately for myself, a lot of the time I’m able to come up with an acceptable answer… but is it always the best answer? I can’t say for sure.

In the end, the “best” answer would be the one that makes things the “best” for everyone involved. Determining then which outcomes are actually better than other is the key. Very unfortunately, one may never really know that until it happens.

In the past couple weeks, I’ve started to try and adhere to a different outlook on life than I’ve had in the past. With all those questions I come up with, I very often worry too much or think too hard about something. Now, I try to just… let whatever’s going to happen _happen_. What I mean by that is… the more I think about something, the more I may try and MAKE something work rather than just letting it work or not. There is a very key difference between this and apathy, however. I still very much care about what happens… the object is to interfere with what will happen as little as possible. The point is, I suppose you could say, to come as close to what my natural reactions to something would be.

For example… it’s always great to picture yourself as a big hero or something. Stuff like in the movies. You’re able to punch the wall of a building down, you’re able to outrun a car, you’re able to fly, you always come out on top, etc. However… take a look at what really happens in some of these movies. Picture yourself literally in that situation. You get punched right into the ground… having that concrete come slamming into your body as the ground cracks underneath you due to the force with which you impacted. Even if you had superpowers, could you really get back up? Say you don’t even have superpowers, and you get thrown into the middle of a warzone. Could you really pick up the kid next to you and run through gunfire to be the hero? To really and truly put your life on the line? It’s easy to say that you could take a bullet for someone, for example… but when it came down to it, would you really be able to jump in front of that gun? That is something that probes the deepest parts of our brains… that gets down to who each of us really are.

I’m learning more about myself every day. Much like when I first realized that my life was in my own hands when I first got to college, it feels like things are opening up in front of me. It feels like whatever shell I’ve been in is beginning to crack, and I’m starting to try and break it open. I look forward to when I take my first steps as the person I really am, rather than try and be something which I’m not. Of course, there’s always the possibility that this is all just talk… that this really is who I’m going to be for the rest of my life. I could just be hopelessly optimistic, always thinking that my emergence as the next big thing is right around the corner. I’m definitely still a dreamer, so this could all still be some dream of mine. Are the only people to succeed really the people that “get it” and become “realists?”

This is what I hope to answer by just letting the cards fall. To see what I do… and see if my dreams come true.